Hey asshole!
Batshit Crazy Homeless Guy: [grabs Matt's shoulder] Hey asshole! I'm talking to you!
Matt: [leaps into the air, and had bowels and bladder not been empty, probably would have emptied them into pants]
Batshit Crazy Homeless Guy: Look into my eyes when I talk to you!
Matt: [avoids eye contact and tries to walk away swiftly]
Batshit Crazy Homeless Guy: Hey! The diagnostic gun can't work if I can't see your face! [shoves unidentifiable object into Matt's face]
Matt: [flinches, shields eyes, and then realizes with relief that the object is a LED flashlight keychain — walks even more rapidly]
Batshit Crazy Homeless Guy: [gives up chase] Dammit, have it your way. [squeezes button on light, with no effect] You broke the damn thing anyway. [throws flashlight into a nearby trashcan, walks back across street towards a shopping cart full of blankets and recyclables, and walks off the other direction]
Matt: [to self] And I thought my day was surreal already. Jesus.
The rest of the score so far:
Bought some yogurt and a coffee for breakfast. Got all the way to my desk before realizing I'd forgetten to grab a spoon to eat it with. Checked desk drawer in the off case of having left a spare spoon in there. No luck. Returned to elevator which mysteriously stopped on every single floor on way down to lobby, despite no buttons having been pushed and no one waiting to get on from the outside. "Door Close" button seemed mysteriously to have stopped working as well, turning a 30 second ride into a 2-3 minute trip.
When walking back to the cafeteria, spotted the chalk outline of a murder victim on the carpet of a conference room. Realized, probably a little too slowly to admit, that it was probably a visual aid for some kind of workshop.
Experienced intermittent ringing of a single fire alarm bell at the other end of the floor. Rrrrrring. Rrrring. [wait 30 seconds] Rrring. [wait 1 minute] Rrrring.
All I need is a flickering neon light and a woman in a blue dress, and bam! — instant David Lynch movie.
Matt: [leaps into the air, and had bowels and bladder not been empty, probably would have emptied them into pants]
Batshit Crazy Homeless Guy: Look into my eyes when I talk to you!
Matt: [avoids eye contact and tries to walk away swiftly]
Batshit Crazy Homeless Guy: Hey! The diagnostic gun can't work if I can't see your face! [shoves unidentifiable object into Matt's face]
Matt: [flinches, shields eyes, and then realizes with relief that the object is a LED flashlight keychain — walks even more rapidly]
Batshit Crazy Homeless Guy: [gives up chase] Dammit, have it your way. [squeezes button on light, with no effect] You broke the damn thing anyway. [throws flashlight into a nearby trashcan, walks back across street towards a shopping cart full of blankets and recyclables, and walks off the other direction]
Matt: [to self] And I thought my day was surreal already. Jesus.
The rest of the score so far:
All I need is a flickering neon light and a woman in a blue dress, and bam! — instant David Lynch movie.