onomatopoeia http://www.onomatopoeia.org Hear that? Copyright 2001-2006 Matt Musselman Wed, 10 Mar 2010 10:18:23 +0000 matt@onomatopoeia.org matt@onomatopoeia.org Welcome to effing Vancouver http://www.onomatopoeia.org/OE/day//2010-02-21 Drunk Canadian Hockey Fan: Wooooo! Canada! Woooooooooooo! Hey man, you got some spirit? Where you from, anyway, man?
Olympic Visitor: Korea.
Drunk Canadian Hockey Fan: Korea? An yong haseyo, dude! Cool! Korea. Sweet. You here for the Olympics?
Olympic Visitor: Yes.
Drunk Canadian Hockey Fan: Cool, well welcome to the world of fucking Vancouver, man!
Olympic Visitor: Okay. Sir? I have a question.
Drunk Canadian Hockey Fan: Sure, man. What's up?
Olympic Visitor: Why you want to put . . . F word before Vancouver?]]> Sun, 21 Feb 2010 00:00:00 -0800 Mattobserved http://www.haloscan.com/comments/mmussel/2010_02_21 Evolution of a New iPhone User http://www.onomatopoeia.org/OE/day//2010-02-02 Your first message is from Monday, February One, at Twelve O. Three P. M. Hi Matt, it's me. I picked up the new phone at Purolator a little earlier, but I'm really frustrated. I don't know what to do. I couldn't figure out how to plug the little cable thing, or to add the SIM card, and when I called for help, they acted like they wanted to switch me back to my no-data plan from my old phone, and I thought that sounded wrong, but didn't know what we should do, so I just put the iPhone away, and I guess you can help me when you get home. Is that okay? I just couldn't get it to work.

. . .

At the sound of the tone, please leave a message, or, if you'd like to leave a callback number you can be reached at, press pound. [beep] Hey, it's me. Sorry I couldn't reach you. No worries about the phone. I'll help you out as soon as I'm off work. We can call the account management people together and get the phone activated. Sorry you didn't get to play with your new phone much on your day off today after all. . . .

. . .

Same day, approximately 4pm:
She: . . . and did you know there's an app I can enter in whatever I eat to see how many calories I've consumed throughout the day? Oh, and this other one for staying on track on my goals? And I got it working with Google Calendar, so it's so cool, I can see all my calendar stuff now. Oh, and I've been learning Dutch. Here, listen. ["Zaterdag"] Did you hear that? That means Saturday.
I: So I, uh, I guess you got it activated?
She: I think. Does this work?
I: [my cell phone rings] Yeah, I think. Is that your new number?
She: Yeah. And I've been taking photos of everyone in the family and the cat, and assigning different ringtones to everybody, and. . . .
I: Even the cat?
She: Yeah, and oh, and there's a compass! Check it out, I'm facing . . . east!
I: What about the cable problem or whatever? I guess you got that solved.
She: The SIM card? I did what you always do, and Google searched something like "install SIM card in iPhone" and found a site that even had pictures how to do it with a paper clip. It was easy. Oh, did I tell you about Rastamonkey?!?]]> Tue, 02 Feb 2010 00:00:00 -0800 MattStories: Now http://www.haloscan.com/comments/mmussel/2010_02_02 Who is Who? http://www.onomatopoeia.org/OE/day//2010-01-30 Kid 1: No, it's because they're British. British people have no creativity.
Kid 2: What?
Kid 1: Seriously, haven't you noticed?
Kid 3: How can you say that? Everybody's creative.
Kid 1: Well, I don't mean all of them, but as a general rule. As nations go, Britain is not the creative one. Italy and France, you know, they're creative. They have, uh, the renaissance, and art, and fashion, and. . . .
Kid 2: I guess.
Kid 1: Don't get me wrong — I'm not, like, anti-British. They're totally good at business, for example. Just not creative stuff.
Kid 2: Well, what about TV? There's good British TV.
Kid 1: Come on, Doctor Who?!?
Kid 3: Wait. Doctor Who is real?!?!?]]> Sat, 30 Jan 2010 00:00:00 -0800 Mattobserved http://www.haloscan.com/comments/mmussel/2010_01_30 Fast . . . food http://www.onomatopoeia.org/OE/day//2010-01-26 Teenage A&W Cashier: Welcome to A&W. What can I get for you?
Matt: I have a little bit of an odd request, but another A&W didn't seem to have any issues with it. Can I have a Mozza Burger, but without a bun?
Teenage A&W Cashier: . . .
Matt: I'm allergic to wheat. I'd prefer not to have the bun crumbs in there to begin with, plus it saves you wasting a bun on someone who's not going to eat it anyway.
Teenage A&W Cashier: So you just want, like, the meat and cheese and vegetables and sauces, but no bun. Like, on a plate or something?
Matt: On a plate works great. Or even just in a wrapper. Really, other than the bun thing itself, I'm not picky.
Teenage A&W Cashier: Um, okay. How would you eat that?
Matt: With a fork or something. Really it's no problem. I've done it before.
Teenage A&W Cashier: Okay. Wait. What would I charge for that?
Matt: You can charge me the regular price for a Mozza Burger; that's fine.
Teenage A&W Cashier: I don't know if I should do that, because, like, you're not getting all the required Mozza Burger components. That doesn't seem fair.
Matt: Seriously. I don't care. Just keep it easy and charge me the regular price.
Teenage A&W Cashier: Okay, if you say so. Let me just tell the cook. [steps around the corner briefly] Oh! [returns to register] Oh no.
Matt: What's wrong?
Teenage A&W Cashier: Where do we put the sauce?!?
Matt: Excuse me?
Teenage A&W Cashier: The sauce! We usually spread the sauce on the bun. If there's no bun, where do we put the sauce?!?
Matt: Um, wherever you want to? Or leave it off if it's really that much of an issue for you. I suppose I'm not even all that attached to mustard, all things considered.
Teenage A&W Cashier: I don't know. . . . [sigh] No. I don't think we can do it for you after all.
Matt: Because of the sauce.
Teenage A&W Cashier: I'm sorry.
Matt: So, you're not going to sell me anything to eat simply because you don't know where to spread mustard and ketchup?
Teenage A&W Cashier: [considering that, when putting it this way, it might not be a great customer experience] Hm, I guess you're right. [thinks for a long time] Oh! [claps hands] Would it be okay with you if we put the sauce on the lettuce?
Matt: Okay with me? Uh, sure. Of course. Spread it on the lettuce. Spread it on the meat. Whatever.
Teenage A&W Cashier: [with increasing enthusiasm] And we could put a piece of lettuce on both sides, instead of the bun! So you could, like, hold it by the lettuce!
Matt: Sure.
Teenage A&W Cashier: With the sauce on the inside sides of the two lettuces!
Matt: Sure.
Teenage A&W Cashier: Cool! Okay. Great! Sir?
Matt: Uh huh?
Teenage A&W Cashier: Do you want fries with that?
]]> Tue, 26 Jan 2010 00:00:00 -0800 Mattobserved http://www.haloscan.com/comments/mmussel/2010_01_26 Iceland http://www.onomatopoeia.org/OE/day//2009-12-13 I: So, what do you feel like listening to tonight?
She: Can you throw together a mix of, say, Icelandic music?
I: Ahem. As a matter of fact [pleased that all the endless anal-retentive hours of organizing and tagging his mp3 collection may finally prove useful to his significant other], I can. There, how's that?

Múm song plays....
Amiina song plays....
Bang Gang song plays....
Björk song plays....

She: I like this Björk song.
I: Yeah, me too.

Emiliana Torrini song plays....
Sigur Rós song plays....

She: How many bands from Iceland do you have?!?
I: [looks up at iTunes] Nine.
She: That's. . . .
I: . . . Like half the population of the country. I know. Musical folks, those Icelanders. . . .]]> Sun, 13 Dec 2009 00:00:00 -0800 Mattmedia,dialogues http://www.haloscan.com/comments/mmussel/2009_12_13 Eye of the Tiger http://www.onomatopoeia.org/OE/day//2009-10-25 here by clicking, "play" at the bottom of the screen that comes up, and then come back here. Got it?)

She: Hey, isn't this the Supernatural song?
I: Eye of the Tiger?
She: Yeah.
I: Um, well, if anything, I think it's the Rocky Two song.
She: But it's that song Dean was singing that time.
I: Yeah, it was. Uh, just because I'm wondering, you know that all the songs in Supernatural are classic rock songs, and were famous before the show, right?
She: Uh . . . yeah! Of course I knew that.
I: Okay, just checking.]]> Sun, 25 Oct 2009 00:00:00 -0800 Mattdialogues http://www.haloscan.com/comments/mmussel/2009_10_25 Contemplating the Orb http://www.onomatopoeia.org/OE/day//2009-10-24
Either way, I still keep an open mind about it, but there are a few words which always set my paranormal scepticism on full power:

"There's an orb in this photograph."

Nevermind that a discoloured circle on a photograph can be caused by so many normal things that a paranormal explanation is not necessary, but if a ghost is going to make its presence known to people, disguising itself as lens flare seems to be a pretty lame way to do it.

That was, until last night. I think. I'm still trying to sort this out, you see.

My wife and I went on the Haunted Burnaby tour, put on by the Burnaby Village Museum.

The tour was great — comprising just as much interesting normal Burnaby history as stories of the paranormal, but that's certainly okay with me. The tour included visits to:

  • The Anderson House

  • Altnadene, also known as The Mathers House

  • Bell's Dry Goods Store

  • The Johnson House

    • . . . and, most significantly,

  • Fairacres Mansion, otherwise known as the Burnaby Art Gallery, or The Ceperley House

    • It was in the Ceperley House, on the unrenovated (and usually closed to the public) third floor where things got . . . interesting.

    The house itself was built by Henry and Grace Ceperley in 1911. After Grace's death, it also served as a chapel and lodging for Benedictine monks, the headquarters of a bizarre religious cult, the house for a short-lived illegal SFU fraternity, and finally as the Burnaby Art Gallery.

    The last time the house's third floor was used for anything productive was in 1965, when it served as living quarters for the fraternity members, and the walls still bear the garish 1960s paint jobs and some creative artwork from those residents. There's no working lighting up there, and most of the doors and other fixtures are missing. Many of the rooms have various litter scattered about. It's a pretty rough place despite the house's beautiful exterior and renovated lower floors.

    The tour guide let the group roam around on the floor more or less unsupervised, with the one warning that a couple of rooms had unsafe floors, so not to enter any which had barriers across the doorways.

    It was interesting just looking around, until one of the tour participants in a nearby room to me shouted, "There's something here!" My curiosity got the better of me, and I ran into the room to find her and her boyfriend, each with a small digital camera, rapidly taking photos, one after another, of an empty room.

    But on the preview screens of the digital cameras, both of which I could see at the same time as I stood behind them, the room was not quite empty. On the image on both cameras, the far corner of the room included a perfectly round, uniformly silver coloured circle floating in midair.

    And, with each successive photo, the orb was moving, at about a foot per second, to our right, until about 30 seconds later, after the orb reached the wall along our right side, when it disappeared completely.

    I didn't know what to make of it. And I know what you're thinking, because if you'd told me this same story, I'd have a dozen different questions:

    1. You had flashlights, right? Wasn't it one of the flashlight beams on the wall? — The flashlight circles were visible as well, but were very different. The orb circle was much smaller in diameter than the flashlight circles on the wall, much more uniform (no bulb anomaly in the middle), and sort of . . . opaque. You couldn't really see the wall through it.

    2. Well maybe it was lens flare from a flashlight beam or flash reflection shining into the cameras? — I would think this was the most likely explanation, except it was two cameras, about three feet apart, and the orb was in the same location in both of them.

    3. What about a speck of dust or a problem with the lens? — Again two different cameras, identical anomaly. It was very weird, I tell you.

    4. An infrared light beam or something like that, which the cameras were picking up? — Maybe, but most infrared sources would have been drowned out by the flash, and again wouldn't have appeared opaque.

    The other oddity which I and others experienced directly was an invisible ball of superchilled air (probably 10C lower than the ambient air temperature) which seemed to be making its way up and down the hallway. The first time I felt it, I assumed it was a draft (a couple of the rooms with windows had noticeable chilly drafts), until a second time when a girl just down the hall commented on it just after it had passed me. I felt it probably three more times after that, and what was odd was that, unlike a draft, which tends to move like an uninterrupted stream of cool air, moving as part of a convection current, this was an isolated ball of chilled air, with plenty of warm air on all sides of it, and no sense of an current. Just a very still, cold, clammy moving spot.

    At any rate, I'm still convinced that 99% of other so-called "orbs" are simply lens flare or reflections, but I'm not sure what was happening here. I do know that if we take the tour again next year, I'm bringing my camera this time....]]>     Sat, 24 Oct 2009 00:00:00 -0800 MattStories: Now,supernatural http://www.haloscan.com/comments/mmussel/2009_10_24     Canary IQ Test http://www.onomatopoeia.org/OE/day//2009-10-08
    So, I registered on the site with my email address, and began answering questions.

    I completed the first page of 20 assorted math, logic, and reasoning problems, clicked SUBMIT, and was taken to a second page.

    "Huh," I thought. "I guess it's got fifty or sixty questions, then."

    I completed 60 questions.

    I completed 100 questions.

    I completed 200 questions and 250. (I told you I had nothing else going on that night.)

    Finally, after well over an hour and after 1020 questions, I decided that something was wrong with the quiz, and I abandoned it, cursing the amount of time I'd invested in the damn thing, and the absolute lack of payoff at the end.

    A little over ten minutes after that, I received an email.
    From: IQ Test
    Subject: You finally quit! (or something like that — it's a memory)
    So, you finally caught on! You lasted 1020 questions and 91 minutes before giving up. That gives you an IQ score of 61. Anyone smarter than you would have stopped answering questions long before you did.


    We'll pretend, for the sake of argument that I didn't spend the next 10 minutes vocally defending my perseverance to a computer which had no way of hearing my justifications. Because no one who isn't a total loser would do anything like that.

    . . . Which brings us to the present. . . .

    . . . And tonight, about 40 minutes into what, after an hour's reflection to make sure I wasn't rushing to judgement too quickly, I'm now certain is the very worst . . . movie . . . I've ever seen.

    No disrespect to the director of Canary. I mean, for a low budget art movie, it seemed like an honest attempt. And really, the premise of an alternate reality film about a near future where human organs are leased out and repossessed is a novel and intriguing idea. That's certainly what we thought when browsing the Vancouver International Film Festival program selecting films to see. How could you go wrong with a premise like that? It should be interesting at least.

    Sadly, interesting was exactly what this film was not. And I meant this as no exaggeration. The film consisted of a constantly rotating sequence of scenes based on the exact same variations:
    1. Conversations between various groups of people, potential organ repo victims, often in foreign languages but with no subtitles, but even when in English about utterly mundane topics, and continuing for minutes at a time. We're talking very long sequences of 5, 6, 7 minutes of not understanding a damn thing what two or three characters are saying to each other. Even in the case of a German couple, where I could make out about half the dialogue, they were talking about their Christmas dinner, and whether they should get a goose and a French or Italian wine, and a Christmas tree. Yawn.

    2. The even more vapid conversations of the office workers at Canary Industries. Starbucks coffee orders. Off-colour office jokes. What-are-you-doing-this-weekend smalltalk. Again, for 5, 6, 7 minutes straight. Yawn, yawn. If the point was the apathy of the corporate American world toward the behaviour of its organizations, point proved within seconds. No need to beat it into my skull.

    3. Conversations between a group of journalists half-heartedly trying to expose Canary industries. This would have been the most interesting of the plotlines a) if there were actually a plot, and b) if they didn't spend 75% of the screentime bickering about their own office politics rather than doing anything.

    4. Drawn-out, absolutely silent scenes of a mysterious, mute Canary repo agent stalking and/or mulling over unconscious repo victims. Again, for 5, 6, 7 minutes at a time.

    Lather, rinse, repeat.

    I really wanted to be able to say, "Maybe I just didn't get it?"

    But the thing is, I did get it.

    I get that the big bad corporation used even the slightest pretense to go harvesting organs which allegedly weren't being properly treated.

    I get that the staff members of the corporation were completely callous to their company's operations.

    I get that the general public lead small and insignificant lives, beautiful and yet mundane, never knowing if or when the organ repo chick will strike.

    I get that the North American consumer enjoys all kinds of perks at the expense of the non-English-speaking, non-white, or [gasp] even person next door sort of other human beings.

    I get all that, and yet the movie was still the most egregious affront to my patience I've ever experienced. In fact, I feel insulted that the filmmaker felt that one or two minutes of a concept wasn't enough, and that twenty or thirty minutes (total) of it would be so much more moving.

    During our screening of the film, about 20% of the audience got up and left.

    I stayed, thinking maybe, MAYBE, there'd be some kind of payoff at the end.

    Nope.

    From: Canary
    To: Matt
    Subject: End Credits
    You lasted 91 minutes. That gives you an IQ score of 61. Anyone smarter than you would have realized this movie was a hopeless waste of time long before you did.
    ]]>     Thu, 08 Oct 2009 00:00:00 -0800 Mattstories: then,media http://www.haloscan.com/comments/mmussel/2009_10_08     Flickr Fubar http://www.onomatopoeia.org/OE/day//2009-06-01
    I figured it was time to open a second ticket, just to annoy them into at least acknowledging my existence:

    Hi, I submitted a request last week, but after multiple emails for followup with no response, I thought another request might work better?

    My account, "mussels," seems inexplicably to have been deleted from the site. I've been a loyal Flickr pro customer since the end of 2004, and even attended Caterina and Stewart's going away party in Vancouver when the site was purchased by Yahoo! the next year. I have a long and (up until now) friendly history with the site. I can't imagine that I violated any of the terms of service, but if I did, it was surely an accident (or a case of mistaken identity on your part), and I would have hoped that someone would have contacted me first about the problem before removing the account, and even if not that it would have been suspended or something before simply erasing all content. It makes no sense.

    I'm really dismayed that after the original ticket was escalated, that no one has ever responded about my issue. Almost 5 years of photo uploads have disappeared, and while the photos themselves have a copy on my machine at home, the titles, tags, and especially user comments are irreplaceable, not to mention links to the photo URLs which may exist here and there.

    Please let me know what happened, and if anything can be done to restore my account.

    If nothing else, I paid to renew my Pro membership on Nov 28, 2008, so I'm missing half the credit for that now that my account has been deleted.

    Matt Musselman


    Hopefully I get at least some kind of explanation in response.]]>     Mon, 01 Jun 2009 00:00:00 -0800 Mattday to day http://www.haloscan.com/comments/mmussel/2009_06_01     Five Years Later http://www.onomatopoeia.org/OE/day//2009-05-31
    "You know," I said to myself, "I think the last . . . well, only . . . time this table has had a tablecloth taped to it was for my 30th birthday party. Wow."

    Five years, of what has easily been the best slice of my life so far. It really prompted me to think of all the things that have happened in this 30 – 35 year range, some big, some small, some public, some intimate, but all things I can't imagine who I'd be today without them.

    In the past five years, I have:
  • Spent a summer in China. Visited Europe twice. One of the trips included a corner of Europe very few outsiders have been to. The size of my world has increased immensely.
  • Moved to a different city (which I'd really only done once before, despite lots of traveling), in a different state/province, and in a different country, no less. I spent less than 3 months of my 30th year in Dallas, so this 30-35 block really feels like "The Canada Years."
  • Met my wife. Got married.
  • Lived in a cool downtown loft (for the second time, but this time in a much hipper city). Bought a house.
  • Reached a career goal of becoming an IT Architect. Wondered what you do when you hit your goal, besides making new ones.
  • Learned what was primarily behind my always feeling so tired and crappy (my wheat sensitivity). Changed my diet. Changed my life.
  • Met a whole crew of new friends. Most people are happy to have one set of good friends. I'm really lucky to have three: the Lubbock friends from school, the Dallas friends, and now the Vancouver friends. It certainly helps for those Facebook gimmick things where knowing lots of people is an advantage.
  • Transitioned from being a music creator to a music consumer. Some parts of me look back longingly to the days when I had more creative music spirit in me, but on the other hand, I've also found so much joy in my music collection: seeking out new bands, learning where musicians are from and how it impacts their sound, and introducing people I know to new and interesting sounds. I received my first iPod on my 30th birthday, and am now on my third one (an 80GB Classic, which just filled up this week).
  • Found a new hobby and lots of interesting people through European style board gaming.
  • Continued to refine my interest in cooking. In university, I had two or three "famous" things, and a few passable ones. In my 25 – 30 years, I got really good at a number of specific dishes. 30 – 35 really marked my "iron chef" period, where I can pride myself on making something really memorable out of nearly anything in the house. (This has the downside that when I'm really tired and picky, the only person who's going to make a meal to my own specifications, allergy issues included, is me.)
    • ]]>     Sun, 31 May 2009 00:00:00 -0800 Mattday to day http://www.haloscan.com/comments/mmussel/2009_05_31     The Nacho Incident http://www.onomatopoeia.org/OE/day//2009-05-21
    ♫ There's nothing wrong with Ohio ♫
    ♫ Except the snow and the rain. ♫

    "What can I get you, buddy?" asks a friendly bartender in a weather-beaten Texas Longhorns cap.

    "Got Granville Island Pale Ale?" I ask.

    "Sure thing. I'll be right back with it."

    ♫It's just not the same since you went away. ♫
    ♫ Before you lose your accent ♫
    ♫ And forget all about the Lonestar State, ♫

    A couple of minutes later, the bartender in the UT cap returns with the beer. "Got any questions about the menu?"

    "Yeah," I say, having learned the ropes about how Mexican food works around here. "The enchiladas. Are those corn tortillas or flour ones in those?"

    The bartender looks a little surprised that I'd ask the question, and gives me a long, searching stare.

    ♫ There's a seat for you at the rodeo, ♫

    After probably a full ten seconds of silence, he seems to conclude that I may be the real thing, and then adopts an expression awash with heartfelt sympathy.

    "Flour. Yeah, they use flour tortillas in the enchiladas. I'm sorry, man. The nachos here aren't bad, though. I promise."

    ♫ Besides, the Mexican food sucks north of here anyway. ♫
    ♫ Besides, the Mexican food sucks north of here anyway. ♫
    ]]>     Thu, 21 May 2009 00:00:00 -0800 Mattstories: now http://www.haloscan.com/comments/mmussel/2009_05_21     Tax Time http://www.onomatopoeia.org/OE/day//2009-04-10 Venkat, the TurboTax Support Guy: Do you have any friends?
    Matt: Um, sure, I have friends. But how is that relevant?
    Venkat: Well, perhaps you can borrow a friend's US credit card to pay for the software with?
    Matt: . . .
    Venkat: Sir? Are you still there?
    Matt: Yes, I'm still here.
    Venkat: Matthew, is there a friend whose card you can borrow?
    Matt: You're telling me that after I spent several hours trudging through my US tax return, after the time I already spent doing both my wife's and my Canadian tax returns, and find only at the very end of everything when it's all done, that before I can print it or save it or really do anything with it, and having entered my Canadian address as one of the very first steps in the application with no warnings or anything, that I'm only allowed to pay with a US card, that the best advice you can give me is to talk an American friend into paying for my tax return software, so that I don't have to redo all of it?
    Venkat: Well? Do you have a friend with a US card?

    Let's just say it wasn't a good day for my "don't abuse the call centre rep because he's only doing his job executing someone else's policy" philosophy.

    I was promptly transferred to Venkat's manager, and the best he could do was give me a copy of TurboTax 2008 Deluxe for Mac for free. It still didn't save me the two hours or so it took me to re-enter everything I'd already done in the web version, but at least it saved me about $50.

    I asked several times whether they'll be supporting non-US payment in the future. I don't think they ever really understood my question.

    At any rate, if there are any other US expats out there who've put off taxes to the last minute this year, don't make the mistake of using the web version TurboTax like I did. Or, if you've got time to burn and could use some free tax software, perhaps doing what I did is exactly what you want to do. I don't know.]]>     Fri, 10 Apr 2009 00:00:00 -0800 Mattstories: now http://www.haloscan.com/comments/mmussel/2009_04_10     Hey asshole! http://www.onomatopoeia.org/OE/day//2009-03-25 Batshit Crazy Homeless Guy: [grabs Matt's shoulder] Hey asshole! I'm talking to you!
    Matt: [leaps into the air, and had bowels and bladder not been empty, probably would have emptied them into pants]
    Batshit Crazy Homeless Guy: Look into my eyes when I talk to you!
    Matt: [avoids eye contact and tries to walk away swiftly]
    Batshit Crazy Homeless Guy: Hey! The diagnostic gun can't work if I can't see your face! [shoves unidentifiable object into Matt's face]
    Matt: [flinches, shields eyes, and then realizes with relief that the object is a LED flashlight keychain — walks even more rapidly]
    Batshit Crazy Homeless Guy: [gives up chase] Dammit, have it your way. [squeezes button on light, with no effect] You broke the damn thing anyway. [throws flashlight into a nearby trashcan, walks back across street towards a shopping cart full of blankets and recyclables, and walks off the other direction]
    Matt: [to self] And I thought my day was surreal already. Jesus.

    The rest of the score so far:
  • Bought some yogurt and a coffee for breakfast. Got all the way to my desk before realizing I'd forgetten to grab a spoon to eat it with. Checked desk drawer in the off case of having left a spare spoon in there. No luck. Returned to elevator which mysteriously stopped on every single floor on way down to lobby, despite no buttons having been pushed and no one waiting to get on from the outside. "Door Close" button seemed mysteriously to have stopped working as well, turning a 30 second ride into a 2-3 minute trip.

  • When walking back to the cafeteria, spotted the chalk outline of a murder victim on the carpet of a conference room. Realized, probably a little too slowly to admit, that it was probably a visual aid for some kind of workshop.

  • Experienced intermittent ringing of a single fire alarm bell at the other end of the floor. Rrrrrring. Rrrring. [wait 30 seconds] Rrring. [wait 1 minute] Rrrring.

    • All I need is a flickering neon light and a woman in a blue dress, and bam! — instant David Lynch movie.]]>     Wed, 25 Mar 2009 00:00:00 -0800 Mattdialogues http://www.haloscan.com/comments/mmussel/2009_03_25     Egg a la Mode http://www.onomatopoeia.org/OE/day//2009-03-15 She: Since we're having a later lunch, do you want to make some breakfast?
    I: Sure, what would you like?
    She: Eggs. Spicy ones.
    I: Well, if that's your only requirement I could boil you an egg and put tabasco sauce on it.
    She: Nooooooo.
    I: Or barbecue sauce....
    She: Ew, I tried that once. When I was home alone. I wanted to spice up my boiled egg a little. It, uh, wasn't that great.
    I: Ha. That's as bad as a boiled egg with salad dressing on it.
    She: Um, I tried that, too.
    I: Not much of a cook as a single girl living alone, were you?
    She: No.]]>     Sun, 15 Mar 2009 00:00:00 -0800 Mattdialogues http://www.haloscan.com/comments/mmussel/2009_03_15     The things you think about http://www.onomatopoeia.org/OE/day//2009-03-05
    To this day I have no idea what that question had to do with math or language skills.]]>     Thu, 05 Mar 2009 00:00:00 -0800 Mattstories: then http://www.haloscan.com/comments/mmussel/2009_03_05